In fourth grade, a police officer came to my class to conduct the D.A.R.E. program. I remember sitting at my desk thinking, yeah, I know drugs are bad, but I’m going to try them anyway. I never got into opioids or depressants (besides alcohol), but I was always curious about psychedelics. Even when the officer explained the dangers of these drugs, they still appealed to me.
I smoked pot for the first time when I was fourteen. I remember that day vividly. I could see the music dance its way into my brain. The melody fragmented into hundreds of particles that frolicked throughout my body.
Everything was new, hilarious, and delicious! I couldn’t satisfy my hunger and shoved food down my throat like a duck swallowing it whole. I was with my boyfriend and fell in love with him that day. It felt exactly like everything depicted in movies and T.V. shows.
Then it all went downhill somewhere between raiding the refrigerator and telling my boyfriend I loved him. I don’t remember what caused it, but I became paranoid. I desperately wanted to hit the OFF switch. I prayed for the pot to leave my system, but I didn’t start coming down until six hours later.
If my first experience with cannabis was all groovy, I probably would’ve continued partaking in it (and gained 500 pounds). However, since it wasn’t, I only took it here and there until my early thirties. I’m always SUPER paranoid, and it’s not fun! I loathe the feeling of not having control over my body and senses.
Then there are the magic mushrooms. I’ve taken them about ten times since I was eighteen. I’ve only had two decent experiences with them, though. I initially expected to see The Grateful Dead Bears dancing in the cabinets, but this plant is more about feeling than visuals (at least for me).
Once again, I became incredibly paranoid. I also had dark intrusive thoughts. Shrooms, in particular, seems to be a drug that everything needs to be just “right.” I’m talking about who you take it with, where you’re at, your state of mind, etc.
Most of my mushroom experiences turned terrible fast and unexpectedly. It was as easy as someone saying something about not liking a particular color. It usually ended the same way as it did with marijuana, with me pleading for it to stop. Then eight hours later, I could feel like a depleted, guilty piece of crap.
So it might sound contradictive that I’ve decided never to mess with these two plants again. After all, I’m all for drinking D.M.T., which causes you to lose control https://esotericbrooke.com/yes-i-was-possessed/. And I pour burning plant liquid into my eyeballs https://esotericbrooke.com/six-months-of-sananga/. I understand that pot and psilocybin may seem like child’s play compared to ayahuasca and sananga.
The difference is that I use ayahuasca and sananga as medicine. I don’t take them to get high. I’ve only ever taken marijuana and shrooms to have fun (which never ended up happening). I thought about trying sacred versions of these two in a healing circle, but I think I missed that boat.
Now I’m accustomed to taking more potent plants for shadow work and connecting to different dimensions. I drank ayahuasca three times in one year because, at that time, I had a lot of corrosion to dissolve. I don’t plan on retaking it anytime soon, but I’m open to drinking it again in the future, as medicine, as needed, not to trip out! Sananga is the only medicine I use consistently.
Besides treating some as medicines and some as party favors, I think something about me and marijuana and mushrooms didn’t vibe from the start. Both of them ALWAYS lowered my frequency. I’ve tried each since doing immense healing work on myself, and it’s still the same result. It doesn’t matter whether I’m depressed or happy; it always makes me feel awful.
Not all healing modalities work for everyone. Not all plants resonate with everyone. I’m not saying that no one should have fun with magic mushrooms or cannabis. I think for me, though, it would behoove me not to use plants for those reasons.
I came to this conclusion the last time I microdose. As soon as it hit, I felt intense guilt and shame. I could feel and SEE my brain spark on and off like a lighter. I conversed with the mushroom god and begged, if you allow me to sleep, I PROMISE I will NEVER take you again!
Shortly after, I could feel myself come down. Although I didn’t make the same promise to weed, I got the same message. I know many people who drink ayahuasca and smoke pot regularly, and they’re some of the happiest and most compassionate people. But I also understand that some use it as escapism.
With that being said, I feel a strong pull to try peyote and salvia! I will take them in a safe setting with a shaman I trust because recreational use of plant medicines doesn’t work for me. I know they will come to me when the time is right. If I were to force it, I might have another harrowing experience as I did with the hapé https://esotericbrooke.com/purging-on-shamanic-snuff/.
Teal Swan says that Earth is all about relationships, and I appreciate my relationship with ayahuasca and sananga. Although I’ve never connected to cannabis or psilocybin, I respect them and those who enjoy them. Do you have a relationship with any plants? If so, how has your experience been? I invite you to leave your comments below!
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed physician. Anything expressed in my videos, website, and all social media accounts is my personal opinion and should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.
