The Art Of Surrender

 Have you ever held on to something way past its expiration date? How about for money? I’d already let go of so many people, but next was my job. A recurring pattern I’d previously been oblivious to was again in my face.

 I was out of sync with my co-workers. People I’d partied with and considered friends. This sense of working in a different reality made me ill. I worked in a state of impending doom for almost a year.

 The stress caused stomach issues that had me regularly visiting the doctor’s office. That line of work was all I knew, though. I didn’t want to start at the bottom again somewhere else. I needed money, so I clung on until my hands disappeared.

 On my last scheduled day off, I went for a walk on the beach. As I watched the sunset, I remember thinking; I give up. As I’m writing this, I realize this was the same sentiment I had when I had the breakthrough with my sleep paralysis friend (https://esotericbrooke.com/meet-your-new-friends-2/). I was drained and ready for it to end.

 My exhausted body and mind finally surrendered. Now I know this is one of the main ingredients for manifesting. Stress was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. All I wanted was to get healthy again. 

 I knew that if I just let go, I’d be alright. The next day, I drove to my job early and sat in my car. I listened to a guided meditation for two hours. Toward the end, I had an out-of-body experience. 

 I could still hear the meditation, and I was looking at myself through the visor mirror. I started to panic because I looked like I was sleeping since my physical eyes were closed. I didn’t want to be late for work, so I tried to wake myself up. I grabbed my physical hands to peel my eyes open with my fingers.

 I grabbed my arms and pulled them to my face. I was shocked to see (through the visor mirror) that I didn’t have any hands! I was so startled that I was instantly thrown back into my body. When I came to, I looked at my hands, and of course, they were there. 

 I looked at the clock, and it was time for me to go to work. I arrived in a great mood. It may be because I’d never meditated for that long before. It also could have been that I intuitively knew that my drudgery was almost over.

 A manager approached me within minutes of clocking in, and you know how the rest goes. Even though I knew what I experienced wasn’t a dream, I looked up the meaning of dreams where you have no hands. The first article said those dreams symbolize a situation that’s “out of your hands.” How incredibly accurate and fitting!

 Surrender might seem easy, but it’s an art form. It’s an ironic poem that’s just as easy as it’s hard. There have been times I’ve been able to fully surrender and trust in the process, which also means forgetting about it. Then there are other times when I turn almost apathetic and WHAM!

 I’m still trying to figure out this alchemic dance. I’m not here to act like some wizard with all the potions, and what works for me may not work for you. I’m just here to share some stories that hopefully resonate with you. It’s easy to exclaim, “Just ignore what you want then!” but have you ever tried to stop caring about something you want just like that? That’s the art of trust and surrender intertwined with our human emotions and physical bodies on this dense planet.

 After this, I reverted to a time that reminded me of being a young adult. Oddly enough, I’ve never experienced this stage because I’d worked since fourteen and learned to be good with money early on. I had to count change for gas, borrow a twenty here and there, stock up on cheap, filling food, and sell some of my stuff. 

 I also moved back home, which is very humbling in your thirties. I was alright, though. I always had enough for what I needed and would get what I needed when I needed more. I also acknowledge that having a father who let me move back and would never allow me to starve took considerable stress off me. I know many others aren’t as fortunate.

 This situation taught me how to budget and live with less, which I now find comforting. It also reminded me of appreciation, a word I’d previously forgotten. Had this all happened when I was still heavily drinking and hanging out with the same people, would I still have had the same outcome and optimistic view? I probably would’ve just gone back to the same type of job and repeated the same cycle.

 Many people love to criticize, even if they’re not consciously trying to do so. Before starting this next venture, I had to sever ties with many of them. Everything’s lined up for me like a mousetrap. One action leads to another that pushes something away and knocks something else down so it can be replaced by something new.

 Opening myself up to the energies our physical eyes cannot see has made this mundane life more exciting. I’ve had more intoxicating, sober adventures now than I ever did, high or drunk. Everyone’s capable of this! You just have to be okay with being alone for a bit and having your friends be invisible to the naked eye until more like-minded ones come along.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed physician. Anything expressed in my videos, website, and all social media accounts is my personal opinion and should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.