I was way more nervous about my second ayahuasca trip than I’d been for my first one. My sister said it was because I knew what to expect this time. But I knew it couldn’t be as harsh as the first time because I’d gotten the worst out of the way… right? So why did I even want to go if I had this apprehension?
Because ayahuasca is like ten years’ worth of psychotherapy packed into one weekend, and I wanted to remove another layer before summer started. I knew I had to work on my lower chakras if I wanted to start dating again, so I set the intention to work on my solar plexus and sacral. The solar plexus is the chakra above your belly button that governs self-esteem, confidence, and control. The sacral is just below your belly button and is associated with creativity and sexual energy.
Just like last time, we all laid in a circle, and one by one, you could feel the power of the medicine propel our bodies forward. My body was moving again, except it was all in my lower region this time and not my upper. The convulsions were less intense, too. It was more of an even flow (if that makes sense).
There was a bit of dry heaving, some crying, and many trips to the bathroom. So far, it was much easier than my other journeys. Then I saw the heavier version of myself stand before me. I was already down sixty pounds, but this Brooke weighed over 200 pounds and had badly dyed blonde hair.
At that time, I had a lot of friends and fun, but I was still unhappy. I didn’t know how to handle my emotions because I learned that feelings were wrong. I coped with prescription medication, recreational drugs, and alcohol. I held things in until I exploded, mostly at inappropriate times.
I was incredibly naïve to some and completely guarded with others- no in-between. That girl who got along with everyone was totally fake. I looked at my face, caked on with makeup face and straight into my dark brown eyes and apologized.
I denied, suppressed, and disowned her. That Brooke will always be a part of me. She’s an important part of this journey because she was the catalyst for my spiritual awakening. I wanted to hug her now and not push her away.
I understood where she was coming from. I finally felt compassion for myself. That was the only cup I drank that night. I spent the rest of the night in the fetal position, stroking my hair and comforting myself.
The second night I made peace with another aspect of me. I know the ego and reptilian brain get a bad rap, but I saw from another perspective that they were the parent, best friend, and lover I always wanted. That I still want. It always protected me and had my back.
I detached myself from my ego and treated it as a separate entity so I could converse with it. I let it know that although I did appreciate it looking out for me, I had to ask it to take a minor role in my life now. I’ve heard a lot of talk about getting rid of the ego, but something that came to me was that your ego isn’t going anywhere as long as you’re incarnate on Earth, so might as well make friends with it! And I did.
In the spiritual field, there’s also a lot of talk about not playing the victim, but the information given to me on both nights helped me look at myself with empathy. After years of shadow work, I finally integrated those parts of myself. And I believed it happened because I was compassionate. It came from a place of genuine understanding and care.
The climax of the weekend was when I danced with a snake! It felt like it came inside of me, entering through my feet. My legs and hips slithered in the serpent’s motion and up my spine. My face automatically moved forward when it got to my head, almost robotic-like.
I felt this sudden rush of energy go up my vertebra. I think it was a Kundalini awakening or some sort of Kundalini energy. I don’t know the difference, but I read that it’s rare to experience a true Kundalini awakening. Still, I know what I felt, and it was amazing!
To summarize my second ayahuasca trip, I felt the first trip was about getting out the infection, so I could now receive the medicine. I feel safer out in the world and being around men again. I feel more confident in my body and not ashamed of being sexual. This time when I went outside, the colors looked VIBRANT! The colors were buzzing! https://esotericbrooke.com/yes-i-was-possessed/
Integrating the different aspects of ourselves doesn’t mean having to do intense shadow work all the time. Sometimes it’s just about acknowledging that part of yourself and bringing it out as needed, like a game of red rover. If I need to be cautious, I can call over the more protective Brooke. If I want to be sexy, I can contact that version.
We should all try our best not to judge the different facets of ourselves and others. It’s imperative to acknowledge them and work through our emotions instead of living in a state of reactivity. We all have multiple personalities. I choose not to be ashamed of mine anymore. How about you?
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed physician. Anything expressed in my videos, website, and all social media accounts is my personal opinion and should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.
